In my work with high-achieving adults across Utah, people who are competent, capable, and outwardly successful, there’s a theme that shows up again and again:
Your life looks put-together from the outside, but inside you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or oddly disconnected from yourself.
At Illumine Therapy, my mission is simple:
Help high performers get unstuck quickly, using brain-body therapies that create real change without months or years of circling the same issues.
And one of the fastest ways to create that shift is to understand the thinking patterns that keep even the smartest, most capable people stuck.
Let’s walk through the three cognitive distortions I see most often in high achievers — along with why they show up and how you can start changing them.
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All-or-Nothing / Black-and-White Thinking
(“If it’s not perfect, I’ve failed.”)
High achievers tend to thrive on clarity, precision, and high standards. That’s part of what makes you effective. But that same strength can backfire when your brain starts sorting your efforts into only two categories: perfect or worthless.
What this looks like in real life
A client I worked with — let’s call her M. — could run a department meeting without breaking a sweat, yet she would spiral for hours if she stumbled over one sentence. In her mind, that tiny moment erased everything else she did well.
You might notice:
- Avoiding a task unless you can give it 100%.
- Feeling like any imperfection negates the whole effort.
- Dismissing compliments because you’re focused on what wasn’t flawless.
A healthier shift
All-or-nothing thinking pushes you into choosing one extreme or the other. A more helpful, grounded reframe is practicing the grey — the place where two truths can exist at the same time.
Try something like:
“Both things can be true.”
or
“There’s room for more than one reality here.”
For example:
- “I didn’t do everything I planned and I still made meaningful progress.”
- “This feels hard and I’m capable of taking a step.”
- “I wish I’d shown up differently and I’m learning.”
This both/and framing softens the internal pressure and makes space for a more balanced, realistic picture — one where you don’t have to collapse into “total success” or “complete failure.”
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Absolutist Thinking
(“I should… I must… I have to…”)
High achievers often operate under a set of invisible rules — rules they never consciously agreed to.
These rules usually come from old survival strategies:
Be the dependable one.
Don’t let anyone down.
Stay in control.
Never show weakness.
What this sounds like
A high-functioning client I’ll call D. once said, “I should be able to handle this on my own — I’m not the kind of person who needs help.” Yet he was carrying the weight of two careers, parenting, aging parents, and chronic anxiety.
You might hear yourself saying:
- “I should be further along by now.”
- “I have to fix this immediately.”
- “I must not let anyone see me struggling.”
A healthier shift
Swap “should” for
- “I could…”
- “I choose to…”
These tiny language shifts soften rigidity and help you make decisions from your values rather than from pressure or fear.
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Linear Thinking
(“If I just try harder, this will get better.”)
High achievers love strategy, systems, and effort. They’re used to pushing through.
But healing and emotional patterns don’t follow that kind of linear logic.
What this looks like
You might:
- Expect progress to be a straight line.
- Get frustrated when old patterns resurface.
- Try to “think” your way out of stress, trauma, or anxiety.
One client — S. — kept trying to solve her burnout with calendars and productivity hacks. But the real issue was deeper in her nervous system, tied to years of suppressing stress responses. Once we used Brainspotting and somatic work, she finally felt her body relax in a way that effort alone never produced.
A healthier shift
Healing is not about trying harder — it’s about allowing.
Your nervous system releases in layers, not in a straight upward climb. Notice the smaller wins: softened shoulders, fewer spirals, more moments of presence.
So… Why Do These Distortions Show Up in High Achievers?
Because your brain is efficient.
It created shortcuts that helped you succeed.
But when stress rises or old wounds get triggered, these shortcuts become rigid and limiting.
You’re not broken.
Your brain is doing exactly what it learned.
And you can teach it something new.
Brain-body therapies like EMDR, Brainspotting, and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy help release these patterns at the nervous-system level so you’re not fighting your own mind every day.
Ready to Shift Out of These Patterns?
If you recognize yourself in these distortions, you’re not alone. High-functioning adults often don’t realize how much internal pressure they’re carrying until they slow down long enough to notice.
At Illumine Therapy, sessions are:
- focused and efficient
- collaborative
- tailored to your nervous system
- designed to create real movement — not endless talk
Whether you prefer in-person therapy in Ogden or teletherapy anywhere in Utah, we can build a plan that helps you feel present, grounded, and back in alignment with who you actually are — not the pressure-filled version you’ve had to be.
If you’d like help releasing these patterns so life feels lighter and more spacious, I’m here.
