If you’re someone who gets things done—career milestones, family responsibilities, community commitments—you’re no stranger to starting strong and finishing well. You know how to push through, deliver results, and check the boxes.
But what about the middle part?
The part between “I started” and “I finished”?
That space can feel brutal. It’s where motivation dips, the excitement fades, and doubts start creeping in:
- “Why isn’t this happening faster?”
- “Am I doing it wrong?”
- “Maybe this was a bad idea after all.”
Here’s the truth: you’re not failing. You’re just in the middle.
Nate’s Story: Wrestling With the Middle
Take Nate, for example. He came to therapy ready to dig in—smart, motivated, and eager to finally address the stress and anxiety that had been running his life. The first few sessions gave him that rush of relief: “Okay, I’m doing something about this.”
But soon enough, the messy middle showed up.
Nate found himself walking out of sessions with things unresolved. His anxiety sometimes spiked after therapy, not before. He caught himself thinking, “Am I doing this right? Shouldn’t I be working harder? What if I’m not making enough progress?”
That discomfort made him want to double down, push harder, control the process. But therapy doesn’t work like that. Progress isn’t about more hustle. It’s about allowing space for things to unfold, even when they feel uncertain or incomplete.
For Nate, the real growth was learning to stay consistent, even when it felt messy. He had to practice letting go of control, trusting that the work was happening beneath the surface. And slowly, he began to notice: he was changing. Not in a flashy, overnight way, but in the quiet ways that added up—less reactivity, more presence, a deeper sense of trust in himself.
Why the Middle Feels So Messy
The middle is uncomfortable because it doesn’t give you the instant dopamine hit of starting something new—or the satisfaction of being done. Instead, it asks you to tolerate uncertainty, repetition, and slow progress. For high achievers, that feels unnatural. You’re used to efficiency, not process.
But here’s the reframe: the middle isn’t a sign something’s broken. It’s a sign something’s building.
The Middle Is Where Growth Actually Happens
Think about it—muscles don’t grow from picking up a dumbbell once or from standing on the podium after a marathon. They grow in the reps, the grind, the rest and recovery, the not-so-glamorous middle.
It’s the same in therapy. The first session often feels like relief: “Finally, I’m doing something about this.” The later sessions can feel satisfying: “Wow, I can see how much has shifted.” But in between? It can feel like you’re spinning your wheels. That’s actually when your brain and body are rewiring.
You’re Not Doing It Wrong
If you’re questioning yourself, if it feels boring or hard, if you want to quit—that doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re in process. And that’s where the real transformation happens.
How to Survive (and Even Work With) the Messy Middle
- Name it. Simply saying, “I’m in the messy middle” takes away shame and adds perspective.
- Zoom out. Progress isn’t linear. Looking at the bigger picture helps you see that slow change is still change.
- Lean on support. You don’t have to grind it out alone. Therapy gives you tools and perspective to keep moving through the stuck spots.
- Anchor in values. When the “why” stays clear, the “how long” feels less overwhelming.
Bottom line: The messy middle doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re doing the work. This is where the shift is happening—even if you can’t see it yet.
So if you’re in that place right now—like Nate was—keep going. You don’t need more control. You need trust, consistency, and a willingness to stay in process. That’s where transformation is born.
Ready to Move Through Your Messy Middle?
If you’re finding yourself stuck in the in-between—working hard on the outside but unsure how to keep going on the inside—I’d love to help. In therapy, we’ll create a space where you can let go of the pressure to “do it right” and instead focus on consistent, meaningful progress.
I offer in-person sessions in Ogden and teletherapy across Utah. If you’re ready to move through your messy middle with support, reach out here to schedule a session.
