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For most of my life, I believed I needed to “earn” my place in this world.

It took me years—many, many years—to unravel, rewrite, and reprogram this belief.

In high school, I played lacrosse. I vividly remember my coach telling us we had to do eight hill sprints. Eight. But for me, it wasn’t just about completing the sprints—it was about being the fastest, doing the most, and pushing myself far beyond the limit. I’d do extra, sometimes to the point of almost collapsing, just to “perform.” I wanted to be seen as great. I wanted to prove I deserved a place on the team. But you know what? My coach didn’t care.

The same pattern showed up with grades. I’ll never forget the time I got an A- in college (I write about this in more depth in my article called “When Perfectionism Becomes A Problem“). To say I was unhinged is an understatement. I cried. I begged. I pleaded with my professor as though my entire sense of self had crumbled. Deep down, I was consumed by questions like: What will people think of me? Will they still want to be around me? Who am I if I’m not “perfect”?

But the truth? Nobody cared. Nobody but me.

I spent years pushing so hard, trying to “earn” my space in the world, only to eventually realize that the person I was working so desperately to impress was… myself. I was the one trying to earn my own respect, kindness, admiration, and love.

The people around me already saw me as enough. I just didn’t see it.

Over time, and through the privilege of working with clients who face similar struggles, I’ve come to see a powerful truth:

The hardest battle is often the one we fight within ourselves.

For years, I was stuck in a war of self versus self, constantly trying to prove my worth. It wasn’t until I slowed down and started carving my own path—living in alignment with what actually mattered to me—that I began to feel real self-acceptance.

And that’s when everything shifted.

I see this same transformation in my clients all the time. When they stop trying to “earn” their worth and start living from a place of self-connection, they become unstoppable.

They start saying “no” without spiraling. They feel calm walking into rooms where they used to second-guess themselves. They finally rest, without guilt or maybe even still with guilt, but they know they’ll be okay. They create from a place of wholeness, not pressure. That’s what changes everything.

So if you find yourself stuck in the cycle of doing, doing, doing—or giving, giving, giving—take a pause. Ask yourself: Who am I trying to impress? Chances are, it’s not the world. It’s you.

You don’t need to “earn” your space in this world.

You already have it.

Let’s become unstoppable together.

About the Author

Kristi Image with design depression

Kristi Keding, LCMHC

Psychotherapist | High-Achiever’s Coach | Midlife Expert

As the founder of Illumine Therapy in Ogden, UT, Kristi specializes in helping high-achieving mid-life adults break free from anxiety, burnout, and overwhelm. Her toolkit includes evidence-based brain-body therapies like EMDR, Brainspotting, and ACT.

With a direct yet compassionate approach, Kristi focuses on real, tangible progress—helping clients reconnect with their values and create meaningful change. When she’s not in the therapy room, you’ll find her exploring the outdoors, traveling, or recharging in solitude.

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