You know how it goes—you set an intention (like sending a weekly newsletter), and then… life lifes. Days turn into weeks, and suddenly, you haven’t done the thing.
In the past, I would have beaten myself up, felt embarrassed, and maybe even quit altogether because I wasn’t perfect. I’d slip into the void, hoping no one noticed.
But these days, it’s different. It’s easier to let go of the guilt, the fear of letting someone down, or the worry that I wasn’t flawless. If you’re a high achiever, I bet you know exactly what I’m talking about. This cycle is deeply ingrained.
Yet, as time goes on, I see a different path emerging—one that’s more compassionate, calm, and centered. One where I can say, Hey, it’s okay. Just send out a new email. No one will care, and if they do, they can unsubscribe, reply with a note, or maybe even see themselves in my story and extend some grace to themselves, too.
It’s freeing when the grip of perfectionism starts to loosen. That doesn’t mean I won’t get caught in it again—but today, I can recognize that life lifed, I got off track, and that’s okay. The important part? I’m showing up again.
If this resonates with you, I hope you can give yourself that same grace. Because we don’t have to be perfect—we just have to keep going.
The Perfectionism Trap: Why It Keeps Us Stuck
Perfectionism isn’t just about having high standards—it’s about tying your self-worth to achievement, avoiding mistakes at all costs, and fearing failure so much that it leads to procrastination or even paralysis.
Psychological research shows that perfectionism is linked to increased anxiety, depression, and burnout. It often operates in three ways:
- Self-Oriented Perfectionism – Setting impossibly high standards for yourself and feeling inadequate when you fall short.
- Other-Oriented Perfectionism – Holding others to unrealistic standards, which can strain relationships.
- Socially Prescribed Perfectionism – The belief that others expect you to be perfect, leading to fear of judgment and avoidance of risk.
Instead of helping us excel, perfectionism actually makes it harder to start, finish, or enjoy things. When we believe something must be done perfectly, we either:
- Delay starting because we fear it won’t be “good enough.”
- Overwork and overthink, leading to exhaustion.
- Avoid taking risks or putting ourselves out there, keeping us small.
The antidote? Self-compassion and action.
Want to try a small exercise to let go of guilt and perfectionism?
Here are a few journal prompts to help you reflect:
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- What expectations am I holding myself to right now? Are they realistic or rigid?
- If a friend were in my exact situation, what would I say to them? Can I offer that same kindness to myself?
- What is one small step I can take today to move forward without judgment?
A Simple Exercise:
Take a deep breath. As you exhale, imagine releasing the pressure you’ve put on yourself. Place a hand over your heart and say (out loud if you can):
“I am human. I am allowed to be imperfect. I am doing my best, and that is enough.”
Notice how your body feels as you say these words. If resistance comes up, that’s okay—just observe it with curiosity, not criticism.
Perfectionism will try to sneak back in, but every time you choose self-compassion, you loosen its grip.
Let’s keep practicing.
