Rest series (7/8): Emotional Rest
You have nothing else to give. No emotion to spare not even an “Oh my goodness that’s so exciting” to a friend who got a promotion. If this sounds familiar you might need emotional rest. Saundra Dalton-Smith explains emotional fatigue as, “We each have an internal capacity to manage emotions. We pour out of this space as we offer sympathy to a friend who lost her husband, console a tearful toddler in our arms, or encourage our coworker on a job well done. Each interaction is giving a bit of ourselves. When our emotional withdrawals exceed our emotional capacity, we experience emotional fatigue."
Learning to recognize and track your emotional capacity is a great step.
Write out a list of green, yellow and red flags. This is a great tool to begin to understand your capacity more. That way you know when to go (green) and give emotionally. When to begin to yield (yellow) and start implementing some of your emotional rest ideas. And red (stop). What signs show up in red that let you know you have hit your limit or even exceeded your limit? For this exercise think about behaviors, thoughts, emotions, and sensations.
Here’s an example
Let’s say you are already in the red zone. You have tipped the scale and have nothing else to give. Your co-worker comes home and says, “I got the promotion. I can’t believe it. Let’s go out and celebrate.” When your emotional tank is empty you might feel irritable, annoyed, and frustrated. You might have thoughts such as, “Things are always about you, huh?” “I am not going to tell you congratulations because then you’ll want to talk about it and I don’t want to talk about it.” “Have you thought about asking how I am doing today?” Behaviors might look like looking down at your phone, turning on the T.V., walking away to the bathroom, saying a sarcastic or even angry comment “Things are always about you, huh?” (The thought you were thinking earlier) or if it was before this situation and your tank was empty cutting someone off on the freeway before getting home.
When you think about all three of these zones – green, yellow, and red- also include what you will do in each zone to increase emotional rest. It’s important to take time to tend to your emotions so you don’t reach complete emotional exhaustion.
Some tips to create more emotional rest in your life:
Set boundaries
Create a culture where you ask others if they have enough emotional capacity to hear you out
Let others know when you are not available for emotional support and let them know when you will be
Decrease time spent with people who emotionally drain you
Meet with a therapist
Join a free emotional support group or attend a therapy group
Start an emotions journal or begin journaling in general
Surround yourself with people you can be yourself around
Work on not comparing yourself to others
Have a heart-to-heart with someone you trust
Take an inventory of your calendar and the things that emotionally drain you. See if you can drop them or put a pause on them
Spend a few minutes throughout the day checking in on yourself, your emotions, and your needs.
Ask yourself, “Hey, self how am I feeling today? What do I emotionally need today?”
By adding one of these things into your daily life, you might begin to notice a shift in your emotional capacity and emotional fatigue.
Let’s all continue to emotionally rest as the need for emotional withdrawal can be high.
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I help individuals in Ogden, UT, and those in Davis County, Salt Lake County, Park City, and Utah County with online therapy to reach their goals. I work with individuals in need of anxiety and stress therapy, high-functioning depression, or trauma therapy and PSTD treatment. Call or text 385-240-0689 to set up a free 15-minute consultation to see if I would be a good fit for your needs.
